Pub Chat: Where Feedback Gets Messy (and What to Do About It)
We’ve all been there. It’s 5:30pm, you’ve just about survived another week, and someone suggests the pub. You’re only two sips into your pint when suddenly you’re on the receiving end of, “Can I just say something about the team?” And there it is: pub chat.
As a manager, this is one of those grey areas that no handbook really prepares you for. On the one hand, people feel more relaxed and honest. On the other hand, you’re now processing semi-filtered grievances delivered between rounds of crisps.
So how do you handle it?
Step One: Work Out What’s Being Asked of You
The first thing to establish is simple: what do you want me to do with this information?
Is this just a vent?
Are you asking me to act on it?
Or do you not actually know yourself?
Nine times out of ten, pub chat is someone needing to get something off their chest. That’s fine. But if they expect action, it’s time to shift the conversation to daylight hours and a proper setting - ideally without a karaoke machine in the background.
Step Two: Assess the Risk to the Business
Not every grumble requires intervention. Complaints about the office kettle? It’s safe to ignore.
Concerns about workload, safety, or behaviour? That’s when it crosses the line from “harmless moan” to “managerial responsibility.”
The trick is learning to separate “I’ve had a tough week” from “this could become a real problem.”
Both deserve empathy, but only one requires you to roll up your sleeves.
Pub Chat Dos and Don’ts
Don’t join in. As tempting as it is to say, “Yeah, Steve is a nightmare with clients,” resist. You’re not a fellow moaner anymore; you’re the manager.
Do encourage direct feedback. Gently steer people toward having the conversation with the person it involves, rather than using you as the messenger pigeon.
Don’t carry everyone else’s baggage. It’s not your job to absorb every frustration.
Do coach people to take responsibility. Ask, “What’s one step you could take on this?” It shifts the weight back where it belongs.
Relationships Change - and That’s OK
One of the hardest parts of becoming a manager is realising your relationships with the team won’t be the same. You’re not just “one of the gang” anymore. And yes, it feels weird at first. But it’s also what creates the space for you to lead.
Your job isn’t to be everyone’s mate; it’s to create an environment where the team can succeed - where feedback is normal, issues are addressed directly, and pub chat doesn’t become a substitute for progress.
And if all else fails, remember: the pub is for pints, not policies.